As you may or may not know by now, my baby has two mama’s. One is me. The other is my beautiful wife. There is no father in the picture, because we were able to get pregnant with the help of a donor. We feel blessed every day and are forever thankful to the man who helped us bring Isaya into our world. But we made the conscious decision not to have him in our lives as a co-parent.
Everyone who knows us knows Isaya is getting everything she needs, from us, her mothers. But sometimes we do get questions from other people about ‘her father’. Most of these questions come from a good place. People are interested, curious and sincere. We explain to these people that Isaya doesn’t have a father (she has a donor), but she does have two parents.
One parent carried her in her belly for nine months. The other parent painted rooms, assembled strollers and came to every check-up.
One parent gave birth to her. The other was there for every contraction, caught Isaya when she came out and cut the umbilical cord.
One parent breastfed her from day one. The other cleaned nursing pumps, gave bottles and sat patiently through trying meals when she was weaning.
One parent wakes up, countless times, every night, to feed and comfort. The other goes to work, brings home the (vegetarian) bacon and provides for our family.
One parent carries her for hours in the baby carrier. The other feels that’s a little too girly and prefers the Bugaboo.
One parent is going to try to get her interested in ballet and dresses her in pink. The other can’t wait for her to be old enough to play soccer and prefers blue.
One parent loves make-up, does yoga and reads Harper’s Bazaar. The other can’t name one cosmetics brand, does combat sports and probably thinks the HB is actually a bazaar.
One parent knows exactly what size she has, when her last cold was and what time she gets tired. The other makes her laugh constantly and dares her to try new things.
One parent spends hours making her photo albums and painted her furniture pink. The other has a fancy toolbox to fix things around the house and takes care of the car.
One parent stays up with her night after night when she has a fever or is teething. The other stays calm when she hurts herself and knows when to just say ‘no’.
One parent loves her so much, she finds it hard to set boundaries. The other loves her so much, she sets boundaries.
As you can see Isaya has two parents who love her unconditionally and who both bring different things to the table. So when people ask me if she is going to miss her father, I feel very confident when I say ‘no’. Because I know my wife and I complement each other in our personalities and preferences. You could characterize me as the softer, more feminine or ‘motherly’ one. And my wife as the tougher, (way) cooler one, with more fatherly qualities. She will look up to us and know how to be loving, caring and kind. She will look at us for guidance and advice. She will get mad at us and she will set herself against us. And we will be there for her every step of the way, my wife and I, both in our own ways. So as you can see we are just your average family. Except maybe we like to shop a little bit more often 😉