It’s Wednesday, so time for a new World Mama. This week I’m sharing with you a very sad story. It is the story of Olivia, told by her incredibly brave mother Finley Kate. She and her husband have had to endure the worst impossible thing that can happen to a parent. They lost their child. Olivia died, in her parents arms, when she was only a few weeks old. I am so honored that Finley Kate has agreed to share their story with me, to share with you and raise awareness of infant loss.

When I was 15 years old I met the love of my life. I never had a doubt in my mind that we weren’t meant to be. So naturally I began dreaming of our future. The perfect ring, a small, cozy wedding, and of course children. I wasn’t alone in my day dreaming as Joseph and I often discussed our future together.

 After a short engagment, we became man and wife on October 16, 2013, celebrating with immediate family and our closest friends.

And then it was time to move on to the next thing on the list–babies! After an early miscarriage shortly after the wedding, we found out that we were expecting again, this time a healthy baby girl! Other than the horrid morning (um..24/7) sickness, life was grand.

But at 16 weeks we recieved news that I had a complete placental previa (CPP) and that I was now considered high-risk. Our doctor was optomistic and reassured us that they usually move up as the baby grows. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for us; my placenta had completey embedded itself into my uterus and decided it wasn’t going to budge. At this point I had been labled ‘very high-risk’ and was put on immediate bedrest till the day of delivery.

Oh, and we would no longer get to experience a natural childbirth, I was destined for a c-section.

 After a few weeks of extreme bordom and lots of check-ups, I woke up to the most terrifying thing I could have imaged: I was in active labor.

 I was rushed onto a helecopter and flown to the nearest hospital with a NICU. I had no idea what was about to happen. All I knew was that my baby was coming.

Contractions can not be described accurately without an R- rating, and I was scared.

On September 23, 2014, the most beautiful 2 pound 3 ounce little girl came into this world. After 5 weeks in the hospital, 6 labors and finally a placental abruption during an emergency c-section, she was born in amazing health. She was only in the NICU to gain weight. She was perfect.

Then on the night of the 25th a nurse frantically came in and whispered something to my nurse, we had to go immediately. I had never seen so many people squeezed in around one tiny table, but there they were, trying to save our baby’s life. She had a pulmonary hemorrhage. They’d been working for almost an hour hoping to get it under control before scaring us but nothing was changing.

They let me hold her while they manually pumped the blood from her little lungs. She held my finger. It was getting worse again so they had to put her back on the table. Her numbers were stable but not in a good way. That’s when her doctor came over and asked to speak with us. It was decision time. The hardest decision hopefully we’ll ever have to make.

They brought us chairs, lowered the lights, and closed the door. We held her during every tiny last breath, every little cough that came accompanied with blood. Around 11 PM she opened her eyes so wide that it startled us both, I know in my heart that was when she passed. One little good bye and she was gone.

Olivia would have been two years old this Autumn. She would be walking and talking by now. She would have a favorite food, color, and princess. Her dark curly hair would be unmanageable and her little eyes would be bright and beautiful. We would collect shells on the beach and search for crabs in the tide pools. Her little hands would hold ours as we board plane after plane and see the world. We’ll never get to experience any of that, but one magical day we’ll hold her again and tell her all about our adventures. We will tell her how we lived for her.

-Finley Kate

Finley Kate and her husband now have a beautiful and healthy baby boy, Cooper. Cooper is five months old and lives with his parents in South Korea. You can follow their journey on Instagram! 

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